I really hate having to write posts that start 'I'm sorry I've been away but...' as it just feels like I'm writing a list of excuses. In this instance however I have a reason and not an excuse for my absence so I shall try and hold back the tide of guilt in favour of something more constructive.
My reason for having been away and neglecting my blog is that I have been in hospital. I wasn't expecting to be in hospital otherwise I'd have let y'all know- it was very much a surprise visit. Surprise for me that is, though given the socks that I was wearing (my second best hideously bright pair) I think the staff at the hospital may have been a little surprised by my arrival as well :)
I was taken in to hospital from work with severe abdominal pain, fed some morphine, poked and prodded for 3 days after which they let me go on the agreement that I didn't ask what was wrong with me as they didn't know. That's right folks- three days in hospital, x-rays, a CT scan and an endoscopy and they still don't know what's wrong with me. A week after the event and they still still don't know what's wrong with me. All my tests came back as normal so at least they have ruled out all the immediately worrying things like cancer, stomach ulcers and twisted bowels which is a little reassuring I guess. Problem is that my stomach still hurts, especially after I eat so I'm kinda loosing my appetite which does not help when my other main problem is fatigue. I think the words the doctor used yesterday were 'chronic pain fatigue' which seems a bit much to me as I'm not in a lot of pain- just constant pain, but boy am I tired. Stairs turn me into a wheezing wreck. I'm awake for 4 hours and then I'm ready for bed again. I can't concentrate for more than 20 mins at once. In fact, all I really want to do is curl up under a blanket with a hot water bottle and doze all day.
Ah, poor me. I'm totally going for the sympathy vote here of course. On the whole though I guess I don't actually feel too bad. I can function and although I'm only managing half days at work I'm sure I'll get back into it again soon enough. There are people so much more worse off than me that really I have no right to complain at all and part of me really detests that kind of weakness in myself. I should be up and doing! But then maybe that's part of my problem. Can't rest, can't stop, can't recuperate properly. Need to be getting on with things! And at the same time I'm scared- scared because no one can tell me what is going on with my body. I think maybe the worry is the worst part of this- the not knowing.
But I have a proactive doctor who was very reassuring yesterday and has started me out on some basic IBS treatments to see if that helps at all. He's not working from a diagnosis of IBS but he thinks that some of the drugs for things like intestinal spasms (peppermint oil) and acid reflux might be worth trying just in case as they won't do any harm if they don't work, but at the same time if they do help a bit then that can only be a good thing.
So now it's a kind of watch this space type thing.
In the meantime I am trying to keep myself occupied. I haven't been able to do much knitting. I've either been too tired or had a cannula in my arm which stops the bending of the elbow that is required for knitting. I have managed to start a new sock over the last couple of days now that I am feeling better and that is keeping me cheery. The rest of my time I have filled by reading books which has actually been a wonderful feeling. I had been neglecting my love of reading for some time and had been getting angsty about finding time to read recently so it was one positive thing from being in hospital that I suddenly had lots of time to read. I have ploughed my way through a bunch of books that I have every intention of reviewing here as I read a couple of great books that I want to share. So over the next few days I will be able to share these with you and show you one or two other things that I had finished off before I was taken ill. I'm going to be taking a couple of days off of work so I can just rest and try and feel well again which should give me lots of time to drink tea, knit socks, potter in my garden and catch up with things which should help me to stop being full of self pity and misery and instead, concentrate on all the fun things that make life worth living.